This morning I flooded my kitchen because I was busy dancing around to loud music instead of watching the tap. Yesterday, the last week actually, I’ve been pretty miserable. Work has been tough, some personal issues, and I suspect I’ve been a bit hormonal too making me more emotional. The usual stuff. This morning was no different, but I had the flat to myself so as I was cooking breakfast, I put some chart music on and turned it up loud. I was probably two songs in before I was singing to myself, and another two before I was dancing around the kitchen with the blinds wide open (to any passers-by, you’re welcome by the way). Despite having to leave for work after a short while, I’ve been in a great mood all day. Ah, the wonders of music.
Whenever I’m in a slump my favourite thing to do is jump in my car, turn up the tunes, and serenade myself to whatever music I fancy at the time and drive aimlessly. Sometimes that’s country, pop, folk, electronic, rock, drum and bass, it could be anything really, but it’s exactly whatever I fancy in that moment where there is no one to judge me. Throughout my life, people have always judged me for my random music taste. I don’t over think it, I just like what I like. I live in Bristol and a friend once told me that I’m her only friend here that openly admits to liking chart music and that doesn’t buy into the pretentious bullshit that is the Bristol music scene.
There’s just something about music that makes me feel. If I listen to something sad, I feel it, if I listen to a happy song, I feel it, and everything in between. I don’t care who wrote it or if they played their own instruments. Yes, there is more “integrity” in having the whole skill set and that is impressive, but that’s only one side of music for me. In my opinion as soon as any form of art leaves the artist it becomes a personal thing to whoever is consuming it. I do find it interesting to find out what certain lyrics are about or how that song came into being, but that doesn’t necessarily make it something different in my head. I wonder if artists find that frustrating. When they have such a clear image in their head of whatever it is they want to communicate, and that idea is missed. I’ve definitely felt persecuted by musicians in that past, who chastise me for the music I like, or not being able to hear a certain phrase or bass line and appreciate it the way they do.
I was classically trained on flute until I was 16 and I was good. I did a bunch of grades and played in a few ensembles. If I’d chosen to put in the effort and I had the passion, I could’ve been really good. But I think I saw this unreasonable and judgemental standard that too many people have from afar. I had talent, but I wasn’t technical, and I refused to play the same 3 bars over and over not until they were right, but until I couldn’t get them wrong. That just wasn’t enjoyable to me, and I really don’t see the point of going into a creative industry unless you can really enjoy it. I do wish I’d not let them get to me and I’d kept the playing up for my own sake. I’d love to just be able to crack out an instrument and have a jam to myself, but I had to give it up because it was another layer of the pressure of adolescence that I had to shed.
Funny thing is, despite giving up playing music, I feel like I appreciate it so much more than some people that haven’t. I can understand that after being over exposed to something, it can loose its lustre, but it’s still a choice. To continue to play/listen/talk about music and it’s certainly a choice to form an opinion on people based of their outlook. Art is subjective. It’s there to be experienced by whoever, however they choose and there’s no argument that will change that for me now days. I’m so comfortable in myself I am more than happy to be that weird kid that just isn’t cool and listens to all the wrong things at all the wrong times. That kid is always way more happy dancing by themselves anyway.
P.S Having said all this, I am truly sorry if you are subjected to my cheesy country sing-a-longs because I’m sure that really doesn’t help you enjoy them at all.