The World is Not a Nice Place

How do you remain optimistic in such a shitty world? The polar bears are dying, children being ripped from their families and elderly people are isolated in their houses. Everyone has their own personal experiences that test them. Make them question happiness, love, family and their future, and I’m no different in that respect.
I can’t talk much about my work but I am in healthcare. I haven’t been there long and I’ve seen a whole new side of reality. When I worked in hospitality and people would get stressed my line was always “it’s not life or death, it’s really not that important, so it’s not worth stressing”. The problem is now, I am dealing with life or death. I also deal with a lot of minor problems or things that turn out not to be a problem at all. A lot of people at work roll their eyes and complain about the minor problems we have to deal with, and I understand that. You have to distance yourself from the weight of our job to be able to cope when you are faced with a baby that could be dying. I do this job because I want to make a difference. I believe that all we have is here and now, we’re insignificant in the grand scheme of things, so all we have is people. If I can help people then I’m happy. Which means I’m happy to talk people through their problems that aren’t really problems. Everyone needs some reassurance now and again. However, like I said, I haven’t worked there that long and I worry what the long term affect will be. At the moment, I get horribly emotional about some of the awful situations I have to deal with and I can’t keep doing that. It’s just not healthy. How do I find the balance between looking after myself and by becoming cynical?
I can relate this too, to relationships. I had a serious problem with anxious attachment and because of that I’ve been hurt. Really hurt. I’m happy being single but I’ve met someone recently that makes me think I’d want that to change at some point. The problem is, unlike my job, I am already cynical about people and relationships. I know that people have their own issues. They have their story which has effects that they aren’t even aware of, which of course impacts their behaviours. Cheating, for instance, is never simple. Everyone knows cheating is bad, yet people still do it. They do it for any number of different reasons and it’s never easy to work out why. I understand that, but do I want to put myself in the line of fire for the way other people act out their stories? I do know that I never want to feel how I felt after my last break up ever again so the easiest way to avoid that is by remaining cynical about every romantic possibility.
There are a million more aspects to life where people struggle with cynicism, but these are my main issues. How do I avoid becoming cynical in my job and how do I regain my optimism for a future relationship? How can I put up some armour to protect myself without shutting myself off to the world? Much of the beautiful experiences in life come from times where you take a gamble; high risk, high reward. Things scare you because they matter to you. It’s far too easy to make every decision based on fear and I’ve never seen that work out well. I don’t want to become a bitter, lonely old lady surrounded by dogs (sorry, but cats are awful. I might be willing to accept lizards). I guess that’s my answer right there. I don’t want to be that old lady, and people keep telling me that I’ll never survive in space (dream ruiners), so I’ll have to make it work. I’ll probably mess it up and end up in tears again at some point, but hey, that’s the risk we take. If life’s a game, then it looks like I’m all in

 

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